Counsel vs. Contention

As I have been seeking counsel on some things in my life from other Christian men I always end up prefacing the sessions with "I don't want this to become just a gossip session." Recently I have realized that I may be saying this out of habit without the real revelation of what this means, so I have been seeking God by going to Him in prayer and seeking His Word for a clearer understanding. The Bible does warn us after all that those who gossip are in the same class as those who murder and hate God and ultimately ignore Him (Romans 1:28-30). Even more-so this kind of behavior can potentially affect your salvation (Galatians 5:19-21)

This is not to say that you can't talk about a situation that is going on to get the counsel that you need. The underlying question is where does that conversation lead? What is the fruit of the conversation? Unfortunately when we have issues that have to be dealt with they oftentimes involve other people. To the one giving counsel - did your opinion of the person that is being brought up change to something less than before? Did you give advice based on that opinion or add fuel to the fire that the person who came to you for counsel? Proverbs 26 tells us that "where there is no fuel a fire goes out" and "where there is no gossip arguments come to an end". Are we actually trying to put out those fires or are we simply "adding wood" to the fire? It is so hard because this gossip a lot of times will come in what a lot of times will seem to be such a sympathetic and caring word or as Proverbs 26 continues to tell us "nothing so delicious" and "it melts in your mouth" but behind it there are "hateful thoughts" and "evil plans". We are warned here to watch out for anyone like this because they are really "out to get you".

So for those of us put in the position of counselor we need to look beyond what is being said and do our part to heal the situation (or put out the fire). After all, we all are broken humans that have our share of issues that we need to approach with the compassion and understanding. Whenever someone comes to me for "brotherly advice" the Holy Spirit will remind me to make a concerted effort to make sure that I focus in on the individual who is talking as opposed to the one that is being talked about. After all, they are the one that really needs the healing as they are the one seeking counsel. Of course, with that it may mean saying some things they may not want to hear. This can be tough at times, but if the individual is mature enough in the Lord they will most certainly love you for it in the long run (Proverbs 9:8). If this is an area where you may struggle with you may want to consider directing the individual to someone who can do it properly. If we really want to get to the point of the matter, we need realize that if we are adding fuel to the fire we really are hating the one the seeks counsel and if we truly love them we are doing our part to put the fire out (Proverbs 10:12)

This brings about the other side of the coin - the one seeking counsel. Do we really want to actually come to resolution and healing in the situation? Or are we just wanting to simply unload a bunch of bitter words in hopes that we have found someone that has our back on the matter and that will say things that will make us simply "feel good" for the moment? I really believe that this parallels with the same mentality of being one that does not put up with "sound doctrine" that 2 Timothy 4 tells us about. It goes on to say that in order to suit their own desires that these individuals gather around themselves teachers that say what they want their "itching ears" to hear. They are the ones that turn their back on God's truth and follow myths. Now of course hurt does have to be dealt with and things need to come out but with that there needs to be a maturity to accept some responsibility and work through things that we might have missed on our own end. Proverbs 12:15 tells us that we may think we may be right and even think we are taking the right steps but this is foolish if we don't heed true Godly counsel. We really need to go into a session of counsel with the heart of "Okay God, I may hear some things that I may not want to hear but none-the-less not my will but Yours be done!"

This really brings me to the final point - to receive true Godly counsel we need to be able to recognize God's voice like John 15 tells us so we need to really spend time with Him. Spend time in prayer and in the Word to be able know His voice. If we don't we will be more likely to be turned towards fables instead of true Godly edification (1 Timothy 1:4)

So let's take time to evaluate. What kind of counsel are we giving? Are we putting out fires or adding fuel to them? What kind of counsel are we receiving? Are we really willing to be able to mature and hear some things we may not want hear? More over, do we really know the voice of God enough to be able to distinguish the truth to receive Godly counsel?

I thank God for the men He has put in my life that have helped me through some tough situations and are willing to be able to give me the true counsel of God. I thank God for His word that keeps me on His path and keeps me in His understanding and finally I thank God for my wife who has given me some good Godly counsel over the years. There were times where I was rebellious and didn't properly receive it as I went with "my own" understanding. So finally I want thank God for His grace and mercy that He has shown me time and again along with those who have extended that grace and mercy towards me!

Praise the Lord... His mercy and love endures forever!